Dear Millennials, You Suck and Here’s Why
When I was a young pup, I would hear the adults trade complaints of how wayward and reckless young people were then. I was always annoyed by their chatter – it came across as a bunch of stale-smelling AARP members taking their frustrations and fear of death out on their grandchildren and great-grandchildren.
Now that I’m older and approaching middle age – don’t be an asshole and try to guess the exact number – I’m beginning to hate young people with the same amount of unbridled intensity that my family members and their friends once had. I’m viewing it as a natural part of my development. With that said – I have an announcement to make.
Anyone born after 1980 is probably a whiny asshole…or sexually confused…or emotionally unstable…or lazy as all hell.
That’s right – I offer the entire millennial generation my middle-finger.
Not since the STD spreading, drug induced hippie generation of the 1960s have we seen such a useless generation of people unfortunately taking up space on planet Earth.
But even the hippies served some purpose when they fought for civil rights and against an unnecessary war in Vietnam.
Today we look forward to a new generation of “workers” who worship Bernie Sanders, increasingly smoke “dank,” and are infesting the workplace with poor work habits, lack of professionalism, feelings of entitlement, self-centeredness and numerous other problems.
If only I could show these people the time when I was a kid – you know, when phones had cords and were connected to the wall; when your dad used you to change the channel and adjust the picture with the rabbit ears antenna; when you played outside, scraped your knee and respected your parents.
There are a few main reasons why this generation is so unimpressive. First of all, thanks to inventions like “memes” and “emojis” the average 20-something year old lacks the ability to articulate coherent thoughts and their obsession with convenience has caused them to be unbelievably lazy. Throw them in a time machine and place them in a decade when cellphones didn’t exist and people communicated the old fashioned way – in person – and these wanna-be adults would probably self-destruct…or blame it on racism (after all that’s the trend these days).
Let’s not forget the government. Child Protective Services (CPS) in particular. While initially created to address issues such physical abuse and child molestation, CPS is overstepping its boundaries by taking away the power of parents to discipline their children. The rules have changed – “spank with an open hand only and don’t leave a mark,” “use time outs.”
What’s wrong with a good, ol-fashioned butt-whooping? Not too harshly – just enough to make a statement.
This has given way to children issuing threats to their parents such as, “I will tell the teacher…” or “I have rights.” It’s madness. When I was young, kids only had one right – the right to shut up, or get whooped on … and I’m not saying that my generation produced the best and brightest individuals – but at least the boys didn’t wanna wear dresses to school.
Brand consciousness seems to be increasing. The new Jordans or the new iPhone takes precedence over bills or any other thing. The funniest common occurrence I have encountered in the workplace are when millennials that still live with their parents ask me why I didn’t buy the newest iPhone? I try explaining that as an adult I have to pay rent and I have a kid so the newest iPhone doesn’t mean anything to me. They normally respond with a blank stare.
Work ethic seems to be a concept that is lost on many of this generation. It is common to have to remind this generation over and over again to get something completed because they want to play first and work later. They want to eat their desert before their veggies.
Have you ever tried to have a conversation with this group of people? They appear to have a constant need for noise. The days of talking while in the car or sitting at the dinner table to have a discussion is a foreign concept. It is more important to watch some obnoxious YouTube video or check the Facebook or Instagram status of their idiot friends. Telling them to turn off the television, their phone or music seems to hurt them – literally.
Failure to Launch
Increasingly we have seen millennials stay with their parents way past the age of 18 because if they leave they will have to fend for themselves. According to the Pew Research Center, nearly a third of millennials (ages 18-34) are living with the parents. The concept of paying bills, having to cook for yourself and be responsible is utterly frightening to this group of people. Obama tapped into this fear and gained additional support with millennials by increasing the age limit for children to remain on their parents’ insurance. After all, the main way to win the support of Millennial voters is to give them free stuff.
Playtime is Dead
Remember when kids had imagination and played outside? Take these kids outside and they will just play with their phone outside. I have often seen children hang around each other and all of them are on their phones doing separate things. It’s freaking sad.
Is there any generation in history guilty of procrastinating as much as this group? I have often found millennials talking about how they haven’t started a paper at school that is due in two days or how they will get to some work assignment “eventually.” There is no generation more ill prepared for the rigors of life and the harshness of reality than these assholes.
No group of people seem to complain more than millennials. I have encountered millennials at work that actually think they can choose what to do and what not to do as far as work assignments. Some of my favorite responses are, “No one trained me on this” or “That’s not part of the job description.”
I am often dumbfounded as to the level of self-centeredness of this generation. School and the workplace must cater to their personal needs. The majority of prospective work candidates are completely focused on what the organization will give them and not even consider what they will give to the organization. The workplace may be dealing with an unusual amount of activity, but the only thing this generation thinks about is, “When am I getting my break?” Of course, let’s not forget the “selfie.” Here is a picture of me doing this and that. Let me write about every little mundane occurrence in my life because that’s what the world wants.
Concepts Such as “Triggered”
Millennials are the most sensitive group of people. Certain concepts or words are considered triggering. When I think of the word “triggered” I often envision someone teasing a dog through a fence. These days, pointing out that someone is 200 pounds overweight is called “body-shaming.” You know what’ll be a real shame? When that cow dies of heart disease.