This won't take long - I haven't eaten breakfast and there's a plate of blueberry waffles, eggs and bacon sitting on the kitchen table with my name written on it.
So I'll make it quick.
Colin Kaepernick recently announced his decision to pursue a career in public service as opposed to playing professional football.
Bruh, you ain't gotta lie to kick it.
As a nigga who knows what it feels like to be fired from a job, there's a part of me that empathizes with Kaepernick.
But he ain't fooling nobody (especially not me) by pretending to walk away from football on his own accord.
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Let's keep it 100: the nigga can't find a job as a quarterback in the NFL.
And the last I checked, "Rollerball" isn't a real thing, which means Kaepernick is lacking options and hope.
So what's the next best thing for him to do?
Isn't is obvious?
With all the attention he received last year for refusing to stand during the national anthem, it only makes since that now, while he's unemployed, the next step in his quest for a purpose is to squeeze whatever juice remains from his ruse as a social activist.
In other words, he's exercising the first rule of poverty pimimping - wisely choosing to exploit black suffering as a means to financial prosperity and national recognition.
Kaepernick merits association with professional black manipulators like Jesse Jackson, Al Sharpton, Maxine Waters, Michael Eric Dyson, Cornel West, Black Lives Matter and others throuhout recent and distant history.
And still, like moths to a flame, self-pitying black folk have rallied around this brother as if he is the second coming of Medgar Evers or Brother Malcolm.
This display of blind faith perpetuates a vicious cycle on the part of Black America to follow the leadership of any Johnny come lately who declares himself a warrior for social justice.
It's with great heartache that I'm forced to witness our people cling to a notion of black rebellion in the form of kneeling during our nation's anthem, only to gesticulate and jubilate whenever a rap song plays.
Kaepernick's supporters will view his departure from football as a noble sacrifice.
The media will engineer a narrative depicting him as a warrior for social justice.
It's all part of the con.
But none of this would be happening if any of the NFL's 32 teams actually WANTED the guy.
It's not rocket science - Kaepernick is being muscled out of the league for two very distinct reasons: a) he willfully flipped America the middle finger by refusing to stand for the national anthem last season; and b) he's only slightly better than average at his position and not worth the risk.
This may come across as cynical - but Kaepernick's decision to retire from the game he loves and has devoted his life to wasn't inspired by a rediscovered sense of purpose.
And certainly, the NFL isn't banging on his door.
This decision reeks of desperation, a lack of options, and quite frankly, an embarrassing and abrupt divorce between the former pro-bowler and the National Football League.
He doesn't have a choice - it's activism or the unemployment line.
Why is the media depicting this man as a saint, when the evidence clearly reveals that he's choosing activism by default.
This is a classic case of putting syrup on shit and calling it pancakes.
In other words, until football becomes a viable option (and that day may never come again), Kaepernick is choosing to capitalize of the leftover momentum from his controversial swan song in San Francisco.
This reminds me of when I broke up with my girlfriend and she announced on Facebook that it was a "mutual" decision.
"I need uninterrupted time to discover my life's purpose," she wrote.
Seriously!? Bitch, why you lying?
Here's a better analogy - my uncle is full fledged crackhead (and I'm pretty sure he sucks dick to finance his drug habit).
This nigga is the Daniel Day Lewis of smoking crack...he's the Picasso of getting high as a motherfucker.
But he didn't start out this way.
In fact, my grandmother often reminds the family that her eldest son was accepted to Johns Hopkins once upon a time.
That's all well and good - but only a fool would suggest that my uncle made the conscious choice to throw his life away instead of becoming a neurosurgeon or pediatrician.
I'm guessing it has something to do with him smoking large quantities of a poorly engineered substance and ultimately paying the price for it.
That's not an example of choice - it's the consequence of making a stupid fucking decision.
Kaepernick sudden departure from football wasn't a choice he WANTED to make.
It was the most logical step to take now that his football career is up in flames.
He's going to ride the wave of black nationalism till it subsides, basking in the limelight of his new-found celebrity within the civil justice arena.
Only God knows how long Kaepernick will keep this ruse going.
My guess is that he'll stop once his agent negotiates a contract (assuming that's still a possibility).